Question of the Week: If God existed, what would you ask him?


Buses seem to be an increasingly popular battleground in the conflict between religion and atheism.  First we had Richard Dawkins and the lovely Ariane Sherine’s ‘There’s Probably No God So Stop Worrying And Enjoy Your Life’ posters, which we heartily endorse here at the MSS (I personally endorse Ariane Sherine, too, but that’s neither here nor there).  Then came the derivative and pretty petty, not to mention offensive to any non-Christian, reply from the Christian Party – ‘Ours is the right God nerr nerr nerr nerr nerrrr nerr’ I think it read.  I may not have that exactly right (there may have been another ‘r’ in the third ‘nerr’).

And now the latest one to catch my eye, as I sat merrily and atheistically eating my lunch the other day (actually, can you atheistically eat lunch?  I suppose I didn’t whisper with my eyes closed before eating):  ‘IF God existed, what would you ask him?’ What struck me most, I think, was the note of doubt somewhat uncharacteristic for a bus that presumably was pro sky-God.  Usually good Christian buses are loud and certain.

As it turned out, the ad was for the slightly creepy Alpha course – a series of  discussion groups sold (even if unofficially) as the Atheist-converter du jour.  Having looked over the course content, it seems to be little more than propaganda (the course has been criticised in the press for its emphasis on the charismatic and attractive facade – the Channel 4 show ‘Revelations’ recently explored the course in depth; it can be viewed online).  Still, it won’t stop your intrepid MSS investigating in person… see Mike and I at the next Skeptics in the Pub for details!

Well it’s question of the week time, so I want to put it to you, seasoned and smart followers of the MSS – If God existed, what would you ask him?  You’re a well-read bunch; he’s supposedly omniscient – pull no punches!

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  1. #1 by Daz on June 30, 2009 - 20:47

    “Do you believe in god?”

  2. #2 by Marsh on June 30, 2009 - 21:09

    I think I’d go with ‘Which one are you? Just so we can start writing the billions of ‘Welcome to Hell’ letters for the other religions…’

  3. #3 by Chris on June 30, 2009 - 21:41

    Hmmm… There are a bunch which fall into two categories: the first is professional curiosity concerning the Creator’s handiwork:

    1 – How much of a hand did you really have in the “Creation”? It seems that you were largely superfluous in the whole affair…
    2 – What is a “kind” as defined in Genesis? And how the hell did Noah deal with the poo?!
    3 – What’s your favourite organism? It clearly isn’t humans as you have spent most of our history committing, commanding and condoning vast acts of genocide.

    The second covers the slightly more esoteric, philosophical issues:

    1 – Why are you imperceptible?
    2 – Which holy book is (most) right?
    3 – Why?

  4. #4 by pete on June 30, 2009 - 22:40

    “Are you havin a Laugh?”

  5. #5 by AlexMagd on July 1, 2009 - 00:45

    Why did you harden Pharoah’s heart several times? Had you not done so the Jewish slaves in Egypt could have left a lot sooner and there would be no need for all the plagues; was it really just to show off how mighty you were?

  6. #6 by Paul on July 1, 2009 - 10:05

    Ok, if God existed – actually existed: what would we ask him, her or it?
    I would ask: how did he, she or it come into existence?

  7. #7 by Colonel Molerat on July 1, 2009 - 10:32

    I’d be pretty petty, actually…
    Depending on what this God was like, I may take a few different courses:
    I’d probably ask where my loved ones where, regardless of this god’s attitude. then:
    If they are the evil worship-me-or-go-to-Hell type, I’d probably start brown nosing pretty sharpish – if Hell was also real, and being an unctious twat the only way out of it, then I’m afraid I’d quickly throw my dignity away…
    If god was a nicer, friendlier type, I’d probably ask where to score the best drugs – an eternity of boredom to waste, with none of the negative side effects of even the wildest substances? Fantastic!
    Once those practical issues were sorted, I’d try and sit down for the philosophical chat that would HAVE to occur at some point. In this chat, I would ask:
    “WTF?!?!?!?!?!? Whathefuck?!?!?!? What-the-fuck?!?! Why? Why? Why on Earth did you go to all that effort, do all of those stupid, horrible things, create such a messed up world, what-on-fricking-Earth-were-you-on??!”
    I think I’d be too bewildered to be surprised.
    If god had a good reason for committing horrific acts (“Tse Tse flies are beautiful creations, too!” “Malaria was an accident!” “Genocide victims get spa trips in heaven!”) and his hiding away was a big joke, then I’d probably be quite impressed with the skill of his deception, I’d probably give him kudos – I do have a certain respect for people who can do a good con.
    Finally, I’d ask him to explain the strength of belief/level of gittishness correlation, and then ask if I could go to Hell – it does, after all, have the best parties; and the Devil has the best music.

  8. #8 by Marsh on July 1, 2009 - 13:21

    Colonel Molerat :

    I’d probably start brown nosing pretty sharpish – if Hell was also real, and being an unctious twat the only way out of it, then I’m afraid I’d quickly throw my dignity away…

    Well who would have thought we’d see the day when our very own fearless Colonel Molerat would turn turkey/chicken. Frankly, that might even be deserving of a demotion in the Molerat army! Major Molerat is too alliterative, so perhaps Captain Molerat it is…

  9. #9 by Colonel Molerat on July 1, 2009 - 13:33

    Ha! Don’t you know a strategic retreat when you see one!
    Everybody knows, the finest warriors work for the highest bidder! Or, as this case may be, whoever has the biggest guns – who would ever dare fight the leader of an army with such devastating technology as volcanoes, tsunamis and Ray Comfort??
    The banana is, after all, the atheist’s nightmare…

  10. #10 by 2ndimpression on July 1, 2009 - 22:13

    1) Am I real or just a figment of your imagination?

    2) Did you make a mistake with creating the Neanderthals or was it a dry run?

    3) What were you doing before you created the universe, and if you are outside time, why did you wait an infinitely long time before creating the universe?

  11. #11 by Barbara on July 2, 2009 - 00:52

    Dear God,

    I hear you are perfect in every way. So…
    Will you marry me?
    I take it you are Corgi registered and part p approved, a dab hand with an iron (a what?) and a mean cook. And pretty fit.
    You can have Sunday off.
    RSVP

  12. #12 by Marsh on July 2, 2009 - 09:50

    This one came in from ‘BibleAlsoSays’ on Twitter:

    “How could a perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful God make the Second Batch of humans so incredibly stupid? Imagine what the first batch was like!”

  13. #13 by Colonel Molerat on July 2, 2009 - 10:05

    @Barbara,
    Hmmm… If he(?)’s omnipresent, does that mean I can share?

  14. #14 by Gittins on July 2, 2009 - 13:30

    “What’s the deal with all those fossils you put in the ground? Just decorative?”

  15. #15 by The Skepdick on July 2, 2009 - 22:19

    “What the hell!!???” Really! Just “WHAT THE HELL???”.

    Then, I’d have to call him names.

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