Dilute water in more water and… wait, no!

This powerful remedy is derived from samples taken from a trio of natural sources (3 being the magic number of course). These include spittle sprayed from flabbergasted listeners to tales of psychic fettling, the pure unadulterated piss surreptitiously collected from the urinals of The Crown and Dr Duncan’s on alternate Thursdays (preferably during a full moon) and saliva residue from beer glasses lovinging caressed while reading Dawkins.
This combination of potent ingredients is then suitably diluted to a degree that only String Theorists are equipped to mathematically model.
Furthermore, to ensure the memory of the ingredients remain intact in solution and quantum coherence to the body’s inherent biofield is guaranteed, the resulting treatment undertakes that most rigorous of tests – a session on a Nintendo DS Lite running Dr Kawashima’s Brain Training.

Needless to say, gullibility, ignorance, and an all round love of things bullshittery will soon be yours to enjoy soon after administration.

Say goodbye to science, reason and critical thinking for good!

Available from all dubious Holistic websites and of course, Boots.

Homeopathic cure for infertility: Wank into bowl of water (remembering to remove rusty nail first -in case of cross contamination). Once a drop of male reproductive fat is securely shot into bowl, then vibrate, take drop of water out of bowl and dilute up to 29C. Get turkey baster, and partially fill with distilled water then ‘suck-up, some of the homeopathic man-milk. Now the tricky bit; administer treatment to patient in any available orifice that shows itself before patient gets wind of what you’re up to. (caution can only be administered to male OR female humans only)

Homeopathic treatment for HIV/AIDS: get current sufferer of disease to do something with a test tube. Put test tube into (clean) bowl of water, take drop of treated water and dilute to 10C (as this needs to be a much weaker solution than normal-don’t want to scare patient too quickly into rude health or the shock of health might eventually kill them).

Large scale homeopathic cure for Mike Hall’s infection: put frog in a lake (such as a quarry or a real lake like Windemere or Loch Ness). Again a very weak solution to start with, throw Mike in lake and inform him that he has to apprehend the frog and kiss it. After a couple of weeks of aqua-Mike’s flailing about in an ice cold Scottish Loch, his infection should be cured or he would have drowned (killing the infection with him). Caution! Side-effects with this weak solution may give rise to some mild shaking, paleness of some areas of the skin, a loss of feeling in the extremities (such as arms, legs and ‘meat and veg area’), loss of some involuntary functions (e.g. lungs, heart, kidneys and gall bladder) and possibility of hypothermia and
Pneumonia.

Homeopathic cure for homeopathy: Whilst you still have your big lake (Loch Ness) attach a very very large numbers of homeopaths to the middle of the lake suitably anchored to the floor of the lake. There needs to be at least 400 metres of water above their heads, otherwise the solution will be too homeopathicly weak. Take drops of water from all around the lake, enough to swim in, and drop this in another lake and hold the patients under the lake for 20 minutes, and repeat every hour until the last flinch has died down.

take an infinitessimally small dose of celebrity and dilute in one entire jungle. Then succuss every day with food related traumas for three weeks.

They then experience a placebo type of real celebrity for a short amount of time