Boots To Launch Own-Brand ‘Chocolate Teapot’ Range


As part of The 10:23 Campaign, the excellent satirical news site NewsArse.com asked if there was anything we’d like to pen on homeopathy and Boots. Ever the media whore, I duly obliged… full text below. Check out NewsArse.com for more fantastic satirical offerings, too.

The latest edition to the Boots Essentials range

The latest addition to the Boots Essentials range

Boots To Launch Own-Brand ‘Chocolate Teapot’ Range

High-street giants Boots came under scrutiny once more this week after unveiling plans for their own-brand range of teapots crafted from delicious milk chocolate.

The pharmacy – who hit the headlines last month by admitting they sell completely ineffective homeopathic remedies simply because people are willing to buy them – announced the new chocolate teapots as the latest release in their line of alternative crockery.

Boots’ Professional Standards Director Paul Bennett told reporters, “Our strategy is simply, if people are gonna buy this stuff, then we’re damn sure gonna sell it.”

“Its effectiveness as a product is obviously secondary concern when compared to people’s willingness to give us money for it.”

“We’re committed to offering a wide range of choice to our customers, and if anyone chooses to be stupid enough to pay good money for a teapot made of chocolate, then it’s our duty to take that money from them.”

“We consider it a public service, actually. If there is anything more dangerous than a gullible idiot, it’s a gullible idiot with a pocket full of cash.

“This in no way compromises our commitment to offering exceptional customer care, though,” he added.

Criticism

News of the new range has been met with widespread condemnation, with a spokesman for consumer rights group The 10:23 Campaign commenting, “For Boots to provide a teapot that is in no way fit for making tea is very disappointing.”

“I tried a cup of tea made in a chocolate teapot once – it was weak and disconcertingly sweet. That’s not how tea’s meant to be.

“Boots is a national institution, they should be helping us make better and better brews, instead of cashing in with these alternative teapots that patently don’t do the job for which they are sold.”

In response to the release of the new range, The 10:23 Campaign have issued an appeal to Boots to remove this ineffective crockery from their shelves, and return to selling real, proven teapots.

Boots are yet to officially respond.

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  1. #1 by Allan on January 14, 2010 - 17:01

    Mmmm… Chocolatea.

  2. #2 by Alex Dennerly on January 14, 2010 - 17:53

    That’s not the half of it. I bought an inflatable dartboard from boots. I found that the numbers 1 and 15 were swapped around, throwing my game off. I also find that I have to replace them fairly often.

  3. #3 by Michael on January 15, 2010 - 20:36

    I got a left handed screwdriver and a tin of striped paint from their ‘DIY Sinister’ range. From their Christmas ‘trinkets for the stupid man in your life’ range I bought a motorbike ashtray, and plasticine shaver blades.
    Thank FSM for Boots!

  4. #4 by monkeymagic on January 19, 2010 - 10:15

    ho ho ho..
    1023 website protest is a load of crap.
    So what is this going to prove?

    I can down a load of homeopathic remedies without overdosing? and… what?

    Since when has lack of toxicity been a good indication of lack of medical properties?

    There are lots of medicines from boots that i can take a high dose of and by nature wont make me ill. Theres also lots of food items I can buy from boots that will easily make me puke.. theres no point in this protest / experiment at all.

    Sure it will make people think homeopathy doesnt work.. but not for the right reasons.

    I know theres no science behind homeopathy other than placebo benefits, but this is an experiment for morons. Who is behind this website??

  5. #5 by Michael on January 19, 2010 - 20:22

    The Gibbons of Truth and Justice.
    I think you are probably missing the point of this ‘Prank’. The idea is to raise awareness of the ridiculousness of homoeopathy so that the ‘man/woman on the street’ is aware that this witchcraft should not be supported by NHS funding. i.e. Our TAX money! The overdose is by no way a scientific investigation nor is it an experiment (except, of course, a psychological one). If you can think of a better way to get publicity for the crime that maybe £15, 000,000 of our money should be wasted on quack medicine – then tell us what do you think we should do?

  6. #6 by Jonathan B on January 27, 2010 - 13:25

    There is an immense amount of waste in the NHS; £15million is peanuts compared to the sums that are squandered on IT projects that don’t work, bureaucracy (that makes the system less effective), inappropriate prescribing of conventional medicine, compensation and litigation following misdiagnosis and treatment, et cetera. The evidence that homeopathy does any harm is non-existent; the evidence that it offers benefits in certain circumstances is little better than anecdotal, but should not be ignored if it is helping some patients.
    What I think you should do is have a long hard look at government expenditure and if you can still make a case that the minimal spending on homeopathy represents a crime, I’d suggest that you either have an odd sense of priorities, or a list of several hundred more serious ‘crimes’ that should be protested against first.

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