PLANTED WATER LEAF GREEN: Peter Popoff and the Blue Peter letters


Do you know who likes a bit of arts and crafts? Why, God does, of course.

At least the impression you get from some of Reverend Peter ‘Petey’ Popoff’s letters to me and my merry-and-increasing band of animals and imaginary friends.

When I left you last (and apologies that the gaps in this series are becoming as bad as the intervals between Inkredulous episodes…) I’d been sent many ‘interesting’ and MIRACULOUS miracle items from Petey that I had to drink or anoint myself with or wear for a specific period of time, but there were some letters that needed a little more creativity from everyone involved in order to release the blessings. It goes without saying by this point I was also supposed to send money along with all of my creations (although he did say as much, an awful lot of times).

This arts and crafts club was called the ‘112 Team of God’s Potential Millionaires’ and it’s a club I, my dog Evie and some other acquaintances have been made members of:

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The 112 millionaires club! (click to expand)

Petey seemed to be having funny dreams about me again where he had seen me shouting words like PLANTED, WATER LEAF GREEN with Satan’s henchmen shouting DRY PARCHED DESERT LAND whilst we all ran up and down a golden staircase like some sort of exploitative pantomime:

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Popoff describes his operatic dream about me. (click to expand)

To stop this shouty nightmare coming true I had to write my problems on these leaves and then stick them to a magical tree, or a SUPERNATURAL CREATIVE PROSPERITY FORCE RELEASE PAGE:

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Cut and stick leaves. (click to expand)

Then there was the time a little while later, when Petey wrote to me with the sequel to the LEAF opera, this time involving buckets rather than leaves. The chorus this time was the equally catchy: SOW WATER, REAP and REJOICE.

The buckets had to be stuck to a SUPERNATURAL CREATIVE PROSPERITY FORCE RELEASE PAGE which was, inexplicably, also a tree:

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Both of these letters promised a monthly increase in my income from £200-£500! Or sometimes $200-$500 as Petey seemed to be confused again about where in the world I was. All I had to do apart from the crafting was quickly send Petey £200 per letter and all would be sorted. This is probably the final thing all the letters have in common – the fact that God seems to require almost indecent haste when requesting ‘seed’ gifts:

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The letters always have tight time limits for response. (click to expand)

Sadly, after a couple of years of these letters they did stop. Mostly because I was pretty rubbish at sending seed gifts I imagine. Moving forward future blogs will be about Evie et al’s letters. For completeness the final tally for Petey’s Plush Pad Pot from my letters was an astonishing £2343.00 asked for from approximately 20 letters.

More recently with the letters to Evie & co Petey has branched (im hilarious) out with other foliage based miracles. There was the time Evie got some lovely paper seeds and a lovely bag to put them in. This involved her joining another club, The Fellowship Club, which had some important rules:

  1. Expect miracles from God
  2. Learn to operate in faith
  3. Be giving always
  4. Be forgiving
  5. Daily claim your miracle
  6. Never, never give up
  7. Answer Rev. Peter Popoff’s letters (why might this be I wonder…)
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Fellowship Golden Rules. (click to expand)

And very recently she got REAL pomegranate seeds and real leaves:

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*Actual* magic seeds… (click to expand)

A pomegranate blessing. A POMEGRANATE BLESSING. That isn’t me quoting the usual RANDOM CAPITALISATION of these letters. That’s me being both impressed and infuriated with with the audacity ingenuity of Petey and/or God. Sending literally magic seeds to people and promising miracles. And the letters show no signs of stopping…

  1. #1 by Cai on August 16, 2015 - 12:20

    Hahahah. The fuck man…. this is cray-cray.

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