So there I was, roaming ‘teh interwebs’ one last time before entering an extended Christmas weekend and going off radar, when I came across a link tweeted by a fellow Skeptic. It referred to something called ‘Project Pterosaur’. Interesting, I thought. I wonder what that’s about? So in the interest of simple human curiosity I clicked on the link.

Oh, and what glories did I behold! This site is the most fantastically bonkers and bewildering woo-stew I have ever seen. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, vacate the Earth or simply join in the fun these people seem to be having.

The main site is something called objectiveministries.org, and it is an ‘educational resource’ for Creation Science. These kinds of sites are everywhere, the most well-known being answersingenesis.org. They’re all attempts to push very skewed versions of reality onto the public under the pretense that science is some kind of ungodly blight that hides the ‘truth’. This site is no exception. The link above takes you to a particular article on the site, detailing the aforementioned Project Pterosaur.

So, what is this project? I’ll let Dr Richard Paley, the leader of the project explain it in his own words:

“The goal of Project Pterosaur is to mount an expedition to locate and bring back to the United States living specimens of pterosaurs or their fertile eggs, which will be displayed in a Pterosaur Rookery that will be the center piece of the planned Fellowship Creation Science Museum and Research Institute (FCSMRI). Furthermore, the rookery facility will establish a breeding colony of pterosaurs in order to produce specimens that could then be put on display by other regional institutions or church groups.”

Yes, you read that right. Project Pterosaur is an expedition to kidnap living pterosaurs – a clade of creatures the fossil record implies hasn’t existed since the cretaceous period - and put them in a special zoo. Presumably with a big sign saying: “Nur nur! Silly Evolutionists!”

Once the sensation of being in the wrong universe wore off, I was obviously filled with questions. The main one was ‘why do they think pterosaurs even exist in the first place’, quickly followed by ‘what are they hoping to achieve by doing this, anyway’. I’ll come back to the first question - clearly the most important one! – in a moment. The second question is soon answered on the website. The three main goals of Project Pterosaur are:

1. Support Creation Theory by showing the incorrectness of the philosophy of Evolutionism.
2. Educate the population about Creation Science.
3. Create excitement about Creation and the Bible in the public.

As fantastic as a living pterosaur specimen would undoubtably be, it wouldn’t remotely do what Objective Ministries are claiming it would. It would not promote Creation Theory and it would not disprove evolution. Creationists tend to believe that dinosaurs (I know that pterosaurs are technically not dinosaurs, but I’m simplifying for brevity) lived in harmony alongside humans until ‘The Fall’, when they were promptly drowned in the flood due to a typical Yahweh hissy fit. This, they say, explains the fossil record. It doesn’t explain why there are no dinosaurs roaming around now, however. Wouldn’t they have been on the Ark? What about all the flying ones? And this, presumably, is why finding a living pterosaur is so important to them. They think it will make their ‘theory’ look more credible.

Except it wouldn’t. Let’s imagine for a moment that they’re right, and pterosaurs do exist. In terms of ‘proving’ biblical stories it is irrelevant. It just means that pterosaurs still exist. It says nothing about whether its ancestors lived on a boat, just that a particular clade of animals have survived longer than previously thought. The entire span of current scientific knowledge already disproves Creationism. Finding an animal that is unusual doesn’t change that. The existence of the Coelacanth hasn’t put biologists out of work, it just made their work more interesting.

That is also the reason it wouldn’t disprove evolution either. The principles of evolution are sound and proven. The discovery of pterosaurs wouldn’t damage it, it would just make biology more exciting. Objective Ministries seem to think that the theory of evolution would wither and die in the spiny face of the pterosaur, when in fact it would be rejuvenated. Scientists would love this kind of opportunity.

So, back to the first question. Why do they think pterosaurs still exist? It seems to be a mixture of wishful thinking, the twisting of myths and some blatant weird assertions. An example of the latter would be statements like this one:

“[Pterosaurs] were a constant presence in the skies over Eden, where they peacefully ate fruit and plants. After the Fall, many of their descendants degenerated to a carnivorous diet and became feared by man. … Various Pterosaur kinds were common throughout Eurasia and Northern Africa up until the early Middle Ages and interacted extensively with Man. Today, although Evolutionists falsely insist that they are extinct, pterosaurs can still be found, hidden away in the unexplored wilds of our world.”

So now we know. They’re so confident! Personally, I’d love to know the biblical verse that states:

“And Eve was again left hungry when the twelve foot pterosaur stole her apple.”

All I see in Genesis is Adam and Eve and some trees. No massive flying reptiles like in this picture:

Notice the conveniently placed wing and beak

I also don’t seem to remember pterosaurs cropping up in history lessons on the middle ages either. Maybe I was ill that week.

Other sources of ‘proof’ include Hebrew/Egyptian myths of a creature called the Saraph, the works of Cicero and Aristotle (!), the Native American Thunderbird myth, Mayan myth (Quetzelcoatl) and of course, the Bible. They even claim that mummified pterosaurs were found in Tutankhamen’s tomb only to be promptly and conveniently stolen, possibly as part of an Evolutionist conspiracy!

Their use of the Bible is hilarious. It’s not worth me paraphrasing, as this is pure gold on its own:

“The danger of these creatures is evident when Moses — later leading his people out of Egypt — was unable to use the protection of ibises, resulting in the Jews being tormented by pterosaur attacks throughout the 40 year Exodus. The attacks were brought under control only after the Lord instructed Moses to create a pterosaur effigy on a pole to scare them off (Numbers 21:6-9, Deuteronomy 8:15).”

I’m pretty sure that never happened in the Bible. I’ve read it. I’d remember Moses scaring off pterosaurs with a special shining staff! It really is unbelievable. I recommend after reading this blog you go away and look at the whole site for yourself. Believe me, I am only giving you a taster of the sheer wealth of nonsensical wonders that site contains.

Charlton Heston didn't do this!

One thing which caught my imagination on this site was their  belief that the Native American myth of the Thunderbird was based on sightings of pterosaurs. Now, I’m going to be slightly less dismissive for a moment and go out on a limb. It is not impossible that in extremely remote environments creatures may exist which are very similar to their distant ancestors. They would most certainly have to exist in a remote environment if they are as large as these creatures are supposed to be, otherwise we would know about them (new species are discovered all the time, but tend not to be large animals, most of them have been already discovered). In addition, it’s not impossible that local myths may reflect sightings of these creatures. I can completely understand people becoming fascinated with these myths and can even appreciate people believing it. That doesn’t make it likely to be true, however. What I found really interesting with regard to the site’s tying together of the pterosaur with the Thunderbird myth, was this picture of a photograph, supposedly from about 1860:

After cartoons of Moses and Adam and Eve, this one did startle me a bit. I had not seen this photograph before. I am not an expert in photography and am completely unable to offer any suggestions regarding how it was created. It purports to show American Civil War servicemen standing proudly around the corpse of a ‘thunderbird’ that they have shot down. I was really intrigued by the photograph so attempted to do some research (yes, this means surfing the net. Buggered if I’m going across the water to the Liverpool library in this weather!). It turns out that there is a couple of these photographs knocking about. At least one is known to be fake, and one is talked about but doesn’t seem to actually exist in reality. This photograph in particular doesn’t seem to be traceable, and as such I could find no information on whether it has been debunked or analysed in any way, although it is not given much shrift by skeptics. It is also apparently similar to a fake photograph created for the series FreakyLinks, by the makers of The Blair Witch Project, which certainly doesn’t bode well for it being a genuine photograph. So, as interesting as the photograph is (even if it’s fake, it’s a great photograph), given the lack of any other evidence whatsoever, I’m going to have to wield Ockham’s Razor like some maniacal ‘thirties gangster and move on.

It doesn’t stop with pterosaurs though…

Dr Paley and his fellow Creationists also believe that apatosaurs are living in the jungles of the Congo, claiming they would attempt to bring back a specimen, except that they are too large for the proposed enclosure. Aswell as apatosaurs, they also believe plesiosaurs exist (they’re probably thinking of Nessie), trilobytes and velociraptors. They claim that velociraptors are actually the fabled chupacabra and that – I’m serious here – they guard the remains of Noah’s Ark on Mount Ararat.

At this point, I’m thinking the website must be a hoax. So I researched that, too (yes, the internet again – leave me alone, I’m sensitive), and it seems that no-one else is quite sure if this is a piss-take or not either! If it is a hoax, it is the most detailed and thorough hoax I have seen, and a lot of time and effort has gone into making it look real. Yes, it is ridiculous, but only slightly more ridiculous than genuine Creationists I’ve met!

That said, there  is that other part of the site about putting a giant cross on the moon… and the man who fights Satanists along with his cat, Milton…  oh, and the Youth Rock Ministry containing songs such as “Who Let The Praise Out!”… the bit about catching the pterosaurs by disorienting them with a frankincense smoker was a bit weird, too…

Can it be real? I’m not sure I recognise this universe anymore! Help! I recommend you all go and visit the site right now to see for yourselves the genius of Objective Ministries’ Project Pterosaur!

The image in question was shot by Minnesota hunter Tim Kedrowski, who claims he was ‘super skeptical’ of the Sasquatch before he accidentally caught the mythical creature on his motion-activated camera. Interesting that Tim was ‘super skeptical’ – regular skeptical would have been enough for me. But then again I’ve never taken photographs of mythical creatures. Neither, I’d wager, has Tim… who’s image of a 7-foot-tall, black creature is eerily reminiscent of a man in a suit pretending to be Bigfoot. Go figure.

As the Minnesota Star Tribune reports:

Kedrowski’s two adult sons set up the camera on the family’s hunting land near Remer, Minn., and Leech Lake to see what animals might trigger it – never expecting a black creature about 7 feet tall to stride through a stand of trees in late October.

The report, bafflingly, continues:

Scientists, no doubt, will scoff as they always do, but Kedrowski’s photo of the big lug, more formally known as Sasquatch, has given believers renewed hope that the creature might exist.

Well it’s good to see the local media taking a responsible stance. Still, at least the Minnesota Star Tribune is up front about it’s anti-science  agenda, which puts it one ahead of the Daily Express in my book. Tim said of the encounter:

“I can’t sit here and tell you I’m a 100 percent believer, but I’m a little less skeptical than I was before. You don’t go deer hunting looking for this kind of thing.”

I think that’s fair to say – you don’t go deer hunting looking for Bigfoot. You go deer hunting for deer, and Bigfoot hoaxing for Bigfoot. Still, can Tim rule out a hoax? Apparently not:

“We were sure it wasn’t a bear and wasn’t someone pulling a scam on us. We thought it might be a bow hunter out looking for a wounded deer — that’s the only reason anyone would be out there in the dark that time of night.”

Although it remains possible that it was someone in an animal suit, “that’d have to be a hell of a big person,” Kedrowski said.

The Tribune, which seems to have a pretty laxidasiacal approach to what constitutes evidence and what makes a real story, clearly did their digging to ensure this wasn’t a simple hoax, reporting:

Kedrowski remained skeptical of the photo’s veracity, until he contacted Don Sherman and Bob Olson, who style themselves as the Northern Minnesota Bigfoot Research Team. They compared the image to one of an alleged Bigfoot photo taken years ago in California “and the features were identical,” Kedrowski said.

That clears things up then – if you’re not sure whether the mythical creature you’ve photographed is real, compare it to another equally dubious photograph of another mythical creature. Because enough blurry, unrpoven photographs, when looked at as a whole, constitute solid proof.

Not all bigfoot enthusiasts are as sold on the tape as the Northern Minnesota Bigfoot Research Team, though – in fact with Examiner.com declaring:

The photo itself is unconvincing and displays many of the attributes associated with previous “man in an ape suit” photos and YouTube videos. Note the lack of articulation on the back of the legs where the thigh meets the knee and continues to the calf. The “fur” has the draped appearance of a pant leg – not the musculature of a wild animal. The hands have the rubbery look of an ape from a 1930s Bela Lugosi B-movie. Notably, the face of the “creature” is blocked by a small tree, conveniently obscuring any facial details, the most difficult part of a costume to fake effectively.

All of which seems to be a very logical and fare analysis of the photo – which to me does indeed look like an unconvincing hoax, along with the other photos and videos we’ve seen of Bigfoot. In fact, given that there has never been a reliable source of evidence for the existence of Bigfoot, it’s fair at this point to believe the creature is little more than a local legend. Although, inevitably, others take a different view of the complete absence of evidence:

Of course, one fake photo does not mean that there are no Sasquatch in Minnesota any more than 2008′s “dead Bigfoot in a freezer hoax” by two idiots in Georgia negated hundreds of years of sightings and native American legends. Bigfoot may indeed roam the forests of Minnesota but it’s unlikely he has posed for his portrait just yet.

This is a lovely twist of logic – the ‘just because every piece of evidence has turned out to be a fake or a mistake, doesn’t mean it’s not real’ argument. I wonder what logical fallacy that one is…

Sea Monster of Lake Killarny

Now, I must admit, cryptozoology does next to nothing for me. In the leagues of woo, it’s right down there at the bottom, just below Aliens and above Alectryomancy. I think the reason, largely, is that you’ve really got to try hard before you can get harmed by it. You’ve really got to right out there, on a limb, and fully invest before you can wind up getting hurt. It’s not like pseudomedicine, or psychics, or religion – it’s relatively harmless. Relatively.

However, that said, it’s also pretty prevalent in our media and culture, and for that reason alone it deserves attention. How many people would have heard of a certain large body of Scottish water unless there were a purported Beastie living in it? Not many I’d imagine. Which is why I wearily reached for the keyboard when I (foolishly) glanced through The Sun’s website and chanced upon the Lake Killarney Monster. Blahhhhh. But ok, here goes…

This so-called monster has been sighted in the Upper Lake of the region in County Kerry, Ireland, and was even captured on video – showing exactly how stunning and amazing the sighting actually was! All I’ll say is, don’t feint just yet – the 40-second clip is appalling quality from a distance, and no amount of commentary from crypto-zoologist Jonathon Downes telling us it’s “very extraordinary” will convince otherwise.

Essentially, all you can see is a relatively placid body of water, and then something underwater moves a tiny bit, leaving a little wake on top of the surface. The commentator describes the movement as ‘like a torpedo, and with a torpedo-like wake behind it’ – all I’ll say is it doesn’t look like any kind of torpedo I’ve ever seen. It looks kinda like a fish, in fact.

The Sun’s entirely credulous article tells us that the Lakes of Killarney have much in common with Loch Ness – home of the world’s most famous monster – just across the Irish Sea in Scotland. I’d agree with that, in face – both lakes are trying to provoke tourism by inventing lame monster stories.

What’s amazing to me is that Mr Downes is director at the Centre for Fortean Zoology, and yet tells us he’s ‘Never seen anything like this before in his life’ and finds it difficult to know how to explain it. He offers his take on the sighting, telling us:

“What we saw was a thing about nine to 10ft long. I’d love to say I saw long necks and humps and things but I didn’t. I believe it must be a large eel. It was a pale colour. What I saw didn’t actually really come out on the picture as well.”

Well, I agree that it could well be a large eel, although how he believes it to be 9 or 10 feet long I’ve no idea – he’s stood so far away he’s using extreme zoom to get even the crap footage he presents us with, and even then it doesn’t look anything like that size.

Bigfoot, recently

It just goes to show first of all what passes for credible evidence in sections of the crypto-zoological community, and also what passes for a news story these days. The Sun, it seems, has especially gone on something of a monster-rampage, possibly provoked by the dead sloth we covered in the last episode, because last week it also published an amazing photo of bigfoot. I say amazing, because it’s not often you see a photo of bigfoot that looks so completely unlike bigfoot. This is a rare photo indeed – one where bigfoot is looking a lot like a bear, or a gorilla, or a fuzzy black hairy blob. It’s not often he looks like that.

But, of course, to The Sun this photo is proof, in fact the opening line of their article sells it’s position pretty succinctly:

“This grainy snap of a mystery beast lurking in a garden could finally prove the existence of the mythical bigfoot”

OK, listen up, The Sun – a grainy snap of anything can never prove anything. A really high-quality snap of anything can’t really prove anything, for that matter, now that photoshop is so ubiquitious and effective. The article continues:

“Kenny and Margaret Mahoney set up a motion camera in their grounds after their home-grown vegetables began to mysteriously disappear earlier this month. And when they watched back the footage they were stunned to see a creature resembling a ghostly Dementor from the Harry Potter films prowling at the bottom of their land.”

OK, so are they saying Bigfoot is a dementor? Or that dementors are Bigfoots/Bigfeet? Hard to tell really. But the couple sent the ‘puzzling’ image off to local news stations, and suddenly found themselves in the centre of a cryptozoological storm:

“After we appeared on television we were swamped with phone calls and emails from crypto-zoologists and bigfoot hunters wanting to talk. They all think that we may have stumbled on to something important.”

Well there’s a surprise – hunters of a made-up and largely silly creature see a blob on tv that could be construed as supporting their daft obsession, and so decide to climb on the bandwagon. And speaking of climbing on the bandwagon – well done The Sun for publishing the flimsiest, flimsiest of photos and selling it as proof of bigfoot. At least Penn & Teller went to the trouble of having a decent Bigfoot costume made up for their photos…