Now go a step further, and imagine that instead of branded, the baby has the end of her ear lobe cut off, again something this imaginary society only does to females.

It’d be a pretty horrific idea, and anyone suggesting we take on such practices and follow such rituals would be rightly thought not only to be utterly wrong, but entirely deranged, and no law would ever pass which would allow such a mass mutilation to take place.

But, for a moment, imagine that the affected children were instead male, and the part of the body to take a knife to at birth was not the earlobe but the penis… and you’ll find yourself not in some dystopian fantasy but in modern day America, and in parts of the UK and other countries too.

Each year, around 1.2 million male babies in the US are circumcised in medically-unnecessary procedures – and that’s discounting the cases where there is a genuine medical reason to do so, which I have absolutely no problem with. As an analogy, I can accept people having to have limbs amputated should injury or diabetes or gangrene warrant, but I’d advise against it becoming the first thing we do after cutting the umbilical cord.

Right now in San Francisco the issue of circumcision is very much in the news, after local anti-circumcision activist Lloyd Schofield collected enough signatures – more than 12,000 – to put a measure to the city ballot in November 2011, seeking to ban the practice of circumcision.

Some have dismissed the calls for the ban as being doomed to fail due to the First Amendment – state should pass no law with respect to religion – which guarantees free practice of religion. I however suspect it’s more complicated than that – were a knife to be taken to any other part of a newborn, or to the genitals of a baby girl, it would be considered a crime. That there exists a legal exemption from cutting newborn boys without fear of prosecution could itself be argued to be a law set up to give religious groups a freedom not extended to others, and certainly against the rights of the newborn child to choose whether he deems part of his body to be worthy of being removed.

Although the issue isn’t particularly big in the UK, it’s something that I actually get pretty worked up about despite having no personal stake in it other than being in possession of a penis (one which I like to think I have the right to decide what happens to it). I guess I get particularly pissed off with pro-circumcision arguments primarily for the fact that the same-old logical fallacies are trotted out to support it, yet so few people who are skeptical seem to really care, and many in fact seem to support the practice.

The arguments in favour of the practice tend to fall broadly into a number of generic topics, such as:

Tradition - eg “We’ve been doing it for years”.

To which my first response is always ‘OK. So fuck?’ It doesn’t matter if people have been doing it since the dawn of time, if it’s a long-held bad idea, it’s still a bad idea.

As it happens, it’s not been going on since the dawn of time, but rather the practice stems from the old testament, and was reinforced in America by the father of the Corn Flake, Dr John Kellogg. Kellogg believed it was a great cure for all sorts of things, including overactive libido, and even added that the fact that the practice is far from painless is a good thing, saying:

“The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment”.

Charming. And in no way convincing justification for continual circumcision of one half of the population. A bad idea can be an ancient bad idea, and still be a bad idea.

Religious – eg ‘It’s part of a covenant with God’

And again, I’d argue ‘Erm, so fuck?’ Religious people – particularly Jews and Muslims – believe circumcision is a tribute to God, inspired by a pact between God and Abraham. But just because you believe in any particular religion, you don’t get to engage in blood sacrifices – no goat killing, no slitting the throats of virgins on alters, no throwing children into volcanoes and no knives to be taken to day-old penises. This is the 21st century.

If you don’t believe in God, then this is a total non-issue – religion not being a very convincing argument in support of a practice in honour of a God you don’t believe in. Obviously.

And for those who don’t believe in a god, but do believe that believers in a god should get to make blood sacrifices by taking knives to the genitals of unsuspecting children – please, stop being a patronising arse. Essentially this viewpoint boils down to “well, I know better of course, but those deluded religious types have the right to their own savage rituals, and should be exempt from charges because of their devotion to an imaginary deity I wholeheartedly believe isn’t there”. It’s pretty patronising when you look at it.

Cultural – eg ‘I want my child to look like their father/other kids’

Now, I don’t know about you chaps, but when I was a kid I tended not to spend an awful lot of my time looking at or thinking about the penises of my family members or school mates. It just wasn’t a topic at the front of my mind.

However, I can see how a kid might well see a circumcised penis, different from their own uncircumcised penis, and have a few questions about why they’re different. Valid questions, even. But the best way to answer questions is with answers, not with arbitrary ritualistic removal of a part of the genitals just to avoid the questions coming up in the first place.

If you tell any inquisitive boy that “Some people believe the end of their penis should be removed, for all sorts of reasons, but we felt you were fine just as you were”, I’m pretty sure most kids can grasp it, and it means nobody has to take a knife to anyone’s reproductive organs until such a time as they’re old enough to consent.

Hygiene – eg ‘It’s cleaner to be circumcised’

This has to be one of the uglier arguments in favour of circumcision – it essentially is based on the notion that men are too stupid, too dirty or too lazy to understand how to clean parts of their own body, and therefore those parts ought to be surgically removed before said man can do himself harm from neglect.

This one boils my blood. Can you think of anything more patronising, infantilizing and misandric than labelling half of the population as incapable of even washing effectively?

Here’s a radical idea: educate boys rather than mutilating them.

Health benefits – eg ‘Circumcision helps prevent spread of HIV’

This one I admit is contentious, as there is some evidence to suggest that circumcision helps lower the chance of HIV transmission, based on the study of different groups in Uganda, one of which ritually circumcised infant boys, the other didn’t.

It may well be true that the circumcised population incurred a lower rate of infection in these studies. However, even assuming the data stands up (which I’m happy to do, being no expert in the field), there are still two clear caveats:

1. Circumcised or not, the transmission of HIV is most effectively reduced by the use of condoms. Wear a condom, and it doesn’t matter if you’re circumcised or not, the protection offered is the same, and is significantly higher than just circumcision. Uncircumcised plus condom use is exactly the same as circumcised plus condom use where HIV protection is concerned. So, if you live somewhere where the HIV infection rates are high and access to contraception is low, it might well be a useful measure. But nowhere in America, the UK or other developed-world nations meet those criteria – here, the benefits don’t outweigh the risks.
2. Lowered chance of HIV infection rates via circumcision only kicks in when the person becomes sexually active, so if it’s a step worth taking, it’s a step which can be taken once the patient is old enough to understand the procedure. Yes, the chances of complications are higher as an adult, or nearing adulthood, but in countries where the HIV rates are relatively low and the access to condoms high, it’s far better to teach a male safe sex than to take a knife to him for his own good, before he can so much as have a say in it.

Health benefits – eg ‘Circumcision prevents penile cancer’

A 1932 study by Abraham Wolbarst claimed infant circumcision eradicated the risk of penile cancer. If this is true, it sounds like a compelling health benefit of circumcision. However, it’s important to add that penile cancer is hugely rare – something like 1 in 100,000 men get it, and not all fatally so. With that in mind, even if this was true it would mean putting all men through a surgical procedure – not one without risk, albeit quite small risk – for a 10 in a million chance they’ll avoid a form of cancer. On balance, the risks just don’t add up.

What’s more, Wolbarst’s research was undermined somewhat by his beliefs – he openly agreed with Dr Kellogg that circumcision was positive because it not only discouraged masturbation, but also prevented epilepsy and infant death. So that he found a slight benefit in a practice he wholeheartedly endorsed already is perhaps no surprise – and it’s worth noting that even with his prior biases, he didn’t find circumcision clinically beneficial in those other areas.

There were other more telling flaws in his research – later studies have shown that while penile cancer is only slightly more prevalent in the uncircumcised than the circumcised (not enough to justify de facto intervention on all men) the human papilloma virus (HPV) is the most important risk factor for cancer of the penis. HPV is the virus which causes genital warts, and as it turns out HPV is more easily contracted by circumcised men. So you may have a small, disputed level of protection against cancer, but you’re more likely to contract a virus which cause cancer. Great.

Utility – eg ‘The foreskin is useless, it does nothing’:

Even if this was true, so fuck? The appendix is a vestigial organ we can live without, yet we don’t advise that all newborns have it whipped out while before they’ve even had time to cool. We leave it where it is and deal with it if it becomes a danger to the child’s health.

What’s more, there’s a growing body of research looking into the role of the foreskin, and the benefits derived from having it. From the prevention of desensitisation of the head of the penis, to the myriad of nerve endings on the inner of the foreskin, it’s actually increasingly seen as a highly important part of the penis. Also – it’s part of the fucking penis. It’s not just packaging, like the skin of a Babybell, it’s actually meant to be there.

Aesthetics – eg ‘It looks better’

Unbelievably, I’ve actually seen this argument made in the past – that ‘women think it looks better’. I’ve even heard women claim that they’d hate to sleep with man who wasn’t circumcised. Shamefully, I’ve heard it from people who should know better, too – people who would otherwise claim to be pro-gender equality and/or feminism. Again, this common argument is pretty bleak at its heart – what right does anyone have to support cosmetic surgery at birth, focused on one gender, just so their aesthetic ideals are met? It’s the equivalent to someone insisting that because he prefers false breasts and blonde hair, all girls should be surgically and permanently enhanced and dyed from birth, just to fit what he thinks a girl should look like. It’s a genuinely detestable sentiment.

If a man decides he wants to be circumcised, just as if a woman decides she’d prefer a different cup size, then it’s a decision they should be free to make – but only when old enough to make the decision, and as far removed as possible from the pressures and expectations of arrogant and shallow members of the opposite sex who believe they have the right to request the permanent alteration of the appearance other human beings in order to meet their tastes.

It’s at this point that I feel I should mention: while I don’t want to go into the issues surrounding the utterly abhorent practice of female circumcision – something I’m absolutely vocally against, as should be every skeptic – I would like to point out that I fully expect the comments on this show to be hijacked by the notion of having to compare which is worse, male or female genital mutilation, and the conclusion that it’s female. You’re right, the practice of female genital mutilation is utterly wrong. But, I think it should be enough to simply state: all genital mutilation is wrong. I don’t discriminate between which gender should suffer genital mutilation, and which shouldn’t – that very distinction, right there, is the precise definition of sexual discrimination.

Going back to San Francisco for a moment, Liberal critics of the proposed ban have suggested that a ban is unnecessary – instead, if someone disagrees with circumcision, they can simply choose not to have their child circumcised. This, however, misses the central point – it’s not a choice for a parent to make. Currently, men circumcised as babies aren’t given the choice to be circumcised or not, the choice is made for them – without their consultation or consent – and becomes something they have to live with for life, with no meaningful way of reversing the act.

So, I’m fully supportive of calls to end the ritualistic circumcision of newborn boys, and if people want to go ahead and do it as part of their religious beliefs, they can choose to do so themselves, but once they’re old enough to make an informed decision to do so.

Taking up the story from CBS:

“Six-year-old Ivan Stoiljkovic appears to be able to attract metal to his chest – including silverware, coins and even a frying pan.

His family says Ivan possesses extraordinary strength and even healing powers.”

“It started as a joke,” said his grandmother. “I said, let’s try this and things just stuck to him. The heavier things actually stuck more strongly to him.”

In total, his family says Ivan can carry up to 55 pounds of metal on his torso.

His upper body appears to be more magnetic and his family says his wounds heal very quickly and leave no scars.

Family members told Reuters that Ivan also has “healing hands” with which he alleviates his grandfather’s stomach pains and has soothed the pain of a neighbor who hurt his leg in a tractor accident.”

The story comes complete with a video of Ivan demonstrating his talents:

Avid magnetic-child-watchers may have heard this tale before, and indeed this isn’t the first time a child from Eastern Europe has been heralded as possessing extraordinary magnetic powers. In fact, just this February a seven year old Serbian boy called Bogdan was filmed demonstrating his own extraordinary skills.

Tellingly, both videos of Bogdan and Ivan are very similar – a topless, slightly-podgy child with items precariously stuck to their torso. Most interestingly, however, Bogdan’s tale gives away a little more about what might really be going on. Because while both Ivan and Bogdan are shown with cutlery in place, Bogdan’s family go one further than Ivan’s with their demonstrations of magical skills. Ivan may well be able to hold up coins, frying pans and more, but Bogdan can use his magnetic skills to suspend plates on his chest. Ceramic plates. Ceramic, non-metallic, non-magnetic plates, suspended on his slightly podgy, entirely smooth and slightly leant-back torso…

…Aaaaaand therein lies the secret. These feats aren’t feats of magnetic skill, but of simple physics and friction – a slightly clammy, smooth skin offers just enough grip that objects can be held in place, especially if the wonderkid is leaning just slightly backwards to allow the bulk of the weight to rest upon the chest, rather than to be magically attracted to their bodies. If they were truly magnetic, they’d be able to stand up straight or even lean forwards, and keep the objects in place.

Essentially, this is a balancing act.

Or, to put it as the Discovery blog amazingly titled it – “Magnetic” Boy Is Probably Just “Plump-and-Sticky” Boy. And if that’s not the greatest headline of all time, I’m not sure what is.

One thing that interests me is that these stories seem to be coming out of a cluster of countries. Alongside Ivan in Croatia, there’s also both Bogdan and Jelena from Serbia. This might well be another case of those culturally-bound phenomenons – like heavy leg syndrome is bound within France, and the fear in South Korea that indoor fans left on overnight will cause asphyxiation. Which is the only interesting thing about this story, really.

This article is an adaptation of an item on episode 92 of the Righteous Indignation podcast. Get this, and other episodes, by subscribing to the podcast on iTunes. It’s good, honestly.

Placebo bands - the skeptical alternative to Power Balance

Not for the first time, we at the MSS would like to offer our congratulations and our genuine awe at the work done by the Australian Skeptics. Not for their tireless work in fighting anti-vaccination in Australia, although this is indeed laudable. Not even for hosting TAM Australia, though the event sounded an overwhelming success, with precisely the kind of ethos and feel we’re trying to achieve with QED (tickets are still available, of course). No, this time our hearty congratulations are for their fight against the ludicrous nonsense that is Power Balance – the little bands of rubber, embedded with a neat little hologram and vibrating with a supposedly-ever-present-yet-oddly-undetectable energy which claims to help this, boost that and increase the other.

Or at least, they used to claim that. As of today the manufacturers will no longer be making those claims, after a ruling proved them to be unsubstantiated. What follows is a press release from the ACCC explaining further, but it’s worth pointing out that without the work of the Australian Skeptics in demonstrating the falsehood of Power Balance’s claims this ruling would never have happened. So, once again – excellent work, guys!

Power Balance Admits No Reasonable Basis For Wristband Claims, Consumers Offered Refunds

Misleading advertising claims about the alleged benefits of Power Balance wristbands and pendants have been withdrawn by the manufacturer after Australian Competition and Consumer Commission intervention.

As a result consumers will be offered a refund if they feel they have been misled and Power Balance has agreed not to supply any more products that are misleadingly labelled.

Power Balance Australia Pty Ltd claimed the wristbands improve balance, strength and flexibility and worked positively with the body’s natural energy field. It also marketed its products with the slogan “Performance Technology”. The ACCC raised concerns that these claims were likely to mislead consumers into believing that Power Balance products have benefits that they do not have.

“Suppliers of these types of products must ensure that they are not claiming supposed benefits when there is no supportive scientific evidence,” ACCC chairman Graeme Samuel said today.

“Consumers should be wary of other similar products on the market that make unsubstantiated claims, when they may be no more beneficial than a rubber band,” Mr Samuel said.

Power Balance has admitted that there is no credible scientific basis for the claims and therefore no reasonable grounds for making representations about the benefits of the product. Power Balance has acknowledged that its conduct may have contravened the misleading and deceptive conduct section of the Trade Practices Act 1974.

The Power Balance wristbands were widely promoted in the media by various sporting celebrities. The wristbands were sold around Australia in sporting stores and also on the Power Balance website www.powerbalance.com.au

“When a product is heavily promoted, sold at major sporting stores, and worn by celebrities, consumers tend to give a certain legitimacy to the product and the representations being made,” Mr Samuel said.

“Retailers that continue to sell the product with misleading representations on the packaging are warned that they may be open to action from the ACCC,” Mr Samuel said.

To address the ACCC’s concerns Power Balance has provided the ACCC with court- enforceable undertakings that it will:

• only make claims about its products if they are supported by a written report from an independent testing body that meets certain standards
• publish corrective advertising to prevent consumers from being misled in the future
• amend the Australian website to remove any misleading representations
• change the packaging to remove any misleading representations
• offer a refund to any consumers that feel they have been misled, and
• remove the words “performance technology” from the band itself.

Consumers with refund enquiries can call Power Balance directly.

The ACCC has previously taken court action against a number of alternative health providers, including Advanced Allergy Elimination and NuEra, for misleading and deceptive conduct.

Exporters raided in bomb detector fraud inquiry

Police have raided three companies suspected of selling ineffective bomb detectors to overseas markets, in a case that raises questions of whether Britain has done all it can to curb the much-criticised trade.

City of London police said yesterday that they had raided five properties and planned to interview a number of individuals as part of an expanding investigation into the sale of the hand-held devices, which critics say have endangered lives in Iraq and elsewhere.

The police action was launched after Britain introduced a ban in January on the export of the devices, but applied it only to Iraq and Afghanistan because it said it lacked the power to extend it to countries in which UK and allied forces were not engaged.

The police said they executed five search warrants at premises in Kent, Devon and Nottingham linked to the companies Grosvenor Scientific, Scandec Inc and Global Technical, seizing a large amount of cash and several hundred explosive detection devices and their component parts – Source: Financial Times

Now, Global Technical I had heard of – in fact I wrote about their GT200 back in April. It’s great to see the police taking action, finally. Still, while we’re aware of the actions of ATSC (whose CEO Jim McCormick is still on police bail after his arrest earlier this year over the same charges these new companies now face), and both Scantec and Global Technical are well documented too, Grosvenor Scientific appear to be somewhat off the radar – with very little information to be found on them. Even the internet, so often a fountain of knowledge, has only the following to offer (courtesy of friend-of-the-MSS Gittins):

Name & Registered Office:
GROSVENOR SCIENTIFIC LIMITED
THE OLD MILKING PARLOUR
CADHAY
OTTERY ST. MARY
DEVON
UNITED KINGDOM
EX11 1QT
Company No. 07144016

MSS Board member Pete was also able to ascertain that the company incorporated on 2nd February 2010 – very recently, then. Which does make me wonder – what we have here is a company selling devices that are as ineffectual as the ADE651, which was set up after the ADE651 was exposed as being useless and banned from sale to Iraq and Afghanistan. Is it plausible that Grosvenor Scientific, set up the month after the ADE651 was exposed and banned, is actually selling the same devices under a different name and company, in order to circumvent the ban? I’d say it was more than plausible, and we’ll know more as further details come in.

If you have any details on Grosvenor Scientific (especially if you live in the Devon area near to the offices in The Old Milking Parlour, Cadhay), please get in touch – the more we can discover about these seeming peddlers of dangerous dowsing rods, the more we can help clamp down on their sale.

Police appealed for anyone with information about the devices’ manufacture, sale or distribution to call 020 7601 6969 or e-mail OACU@cityoflondon.police.uk

For more information on these woo bomb detectors, check out Professor Bruce Hood’s blog.

Still, having 70s glam rockers with chipmunk names yelling patronising insults at children isn’t the stupidest method employed in an attempt to promote road safety, given that reports from Austria this week suggested that druids have been working with local road safety authorities in an attempt to mitigate the dangers of accident blackspots.

As the Metro explains:

“Austrian authorities say druids have been so successful in dealing with motorway accident blackspots in one area that they plan to extend the project nationwide.  As well as using quartz standing stones to restore the area’s ‘natural energy’, the druids have come up with a cheaper modern-day option – burying plastic slates with magnets in the ground.

Arch druid Ilmar Tessmann was called in as a last resort after a high number of fatal accidents were reported on a straight stretch of motorway near Salzburg.  He said the crashes were caused by radiation from a nearby mobile phone mast disrupting the area’s normal ‘terrestrial’ radiation.  Installing the monoliths has successfully counteracted that, he claimed.”

The Metro reports that the rate of accidents has decreased from 6 per year, to zero in the 2 years since the druids have been applying their magic. Scientists, surprisingly enough, are somewhat skeptical, with a range of questions springing to mind. Namely:

• Where is the proof that electro-magnetic radiation affects car accident rates? What frequency of signal is responsible – is it a narrow band, or a wide band. If the latter, why aren’t radio signals, and even light, equally at fault?
• Why do disruptions in terrestrial radiation cause accidents?
• What do the magnets do? And the plastic, in fact?
• How can it be shown that it was the intervention of the druids which was responsible for lowering accident rates? Given that a reduction of 6 crashes per year down to 0 could well be explained by more mundane events – natural statistical variation, changes to the conditions before that stretch of road, etc.

Still, the Metro doesn’t offer any of these questions, naturally. In fact, what it does offer is a picture of the druid, all bearded and in a woolen cloak, squatting with a dowsing rod, captioned “Druid Ilmar Tessmann tunes into the energy waves and apparently helps to reduce the number of fatalities at an accident blackspot“. Which is interesting, because the druid pictured isn’t actually Ilmar Tessman. I know, because I looked at Ilmar’s website, and he’s actually a reasonably elderly, non-bearded man. Who doesn’t appear to be squatting. And isn’t wearing a cloak. Or holding a bent coat-hanger. A bit of Metro fail, there, then.

While Tessman’s site is in German, which I don’t read at all, I was able to locate and pick out some of the test cases for roads he used his magic on. One such blackspot was a crossing on the B92 Görtschitz valley road in Carinthia.

• In 1994, there was an accident in which 2 people were seriously injured
• In 1995, 1 person was injured
• In 1996, the magic stones were added to the road, and in that year there were no human injuries, but a few accidents where deer got hurt.
• In 1997, there were no accidents
• In 1998, again there were no accidents.
• In 1999, there was an accident were someone was seriously hurt. However, as Tessman explains, this occurred because when he examined the magic stones he found they were covered in dust and soil, which had blocked their energy. Presumably mud can stop the radiation from mobile phone masts, or perhaps stop the magnetic force coming from the magnets in the stone or plastic. Obviously.

Now, of course, without being a fluent German speaker, it’s tough to get to the bottom of all of the stats Ilmar presents, and I’ve invited him onto the show to discuss his findings, language-barrier permitting of course. But, as has been said many times before, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proofs, and so far all I can really find are statistically-insignificant variances, plenty of special pleading, and some uncritical and sensationalist headlines.

All this is well-known, and can be found in greater detail elsewhere on the web, so I won’t bore you by re-hashing the details. However, there is something I can add to the story – we here at the MSS were recently contacted by a journalist wanting to know a little more about the device, specifically if it’s still on sale. Always happy to oblige, I got to doing a bit of digging, and having found – unsurprisingly – the ATSC’s website down ‘for repair’ (I can only assume it’s the company’s morals that are undergoing repair), I was kindly pointed in the direction of the online trade outlet ecplaza, and specifically the page for the ATSC ADE 651.

Well, what better way to find out if this disgraced and disproven device is still on sale, than to call up the manufacturers directly? Luckily enough, ecplaza lists the phone number for the sales department of WooBombDetectorsRUs as +44 207 681 2036… which is a number out of service. Presumably, the phone lines are also down for repair. Still, on the page there’s this lovely, shiny, inviting orange box titled ‘Inquire Now’… so I did. Presumably, I thought, if the website is down and the CEO under investigation for fraud, then the email enquiries would either bounce back an auto-reply saying ‘this device is no longer on sale’ (or word to that effect), or it would simply disappear into a black hole.

As it turns out, I was wrong – a few days later, the following reply dropped into my inbox:

Subject: RE: ADE 651

From: ATSCLLC, ATSC (UK) Ltd, United Kingdom

Phone: 44-207-681-2036,

Email: info@atscltd.com

Homepage : http://ATSCLLC.en.ecplaza.net

Date: Mar 22, 2010 16:54:37 GMT

Message:
Dear Mr Marshall.

Many thanks for your enquiry. However, before we disclose any further information, could you please advise as to the nature of your, or your companies enquiry. This is asked as generally, information is only provided to those prospective clients that have a specific need in the ability to detect either explosive or narcotic ‘signatures’ and for a specific ‘end-user’ Country.

Any additional information you could provide at this time would also be very useful.

As you can see, conspicuously absent in the above is any indication that the ADE 651 has been banned from sale, discontinued or withdrawn pending review. I have, naturally, responded in order to obtain further information – thus far to no avail.

If the ADE 651 is indeed still for sale, it represents the ongoing endangerment of lives the world over. It’s also not alone, in that respect…

The GT200 from Global Technical Ltd- cost: £22,000 per unit

The GT200 is an near-identical device to the ADE 651. Personally, I find interesting to note the sheer lack of any kind of technical information, specifications, studies, research and data available on their site, even when referring to valid criticisms:

Conflicting documents

We have read conflicting media reports of the outcome of the latest tests on the GT200 carried out by the Thai government.

You will appreciate that it is difficult to comment on the latest test report until we have seen it and had the opportunity to study it and, in particular, to understand the testing methodology employed. We can say that previous tests carried out by independent bodies, and the experience of the large number of users of this product all over the world, confirms that the GT200 is effective and because of this, we would ask that you treat with caution any reports to the contrary.

Essentially, they’re saying: “Don’t listen to what the bad men say, our device works because we say so”. Hardly particularly convincing. The GT200 was part of the investigation by BBC Newsnight in January, and was found to be as ineffective as the ADE 651. What’s more, the BBC found that the device:

“…consists of an aerial on a handle connected to a black box into which you are supposed to insert substance detection cards.

The head of Global Technical, Gary Bolton, told Newsnight:

“There are no electronic parts required in the handle.”

Explosives expert Sidney Alford took apart the “black box” of the GT200, which is supposed to receive signals from the detection cards. He was surprised at what he found.

“Speaking as a professional, I would say that is an empty plastic case,” he told us.

Mr Alford also took apart a “detection card” and found there was nothing in it other than card and paper.

Gary Bolton from Global Technical told the BBC that the lack of electronic parts “does not mean it does not operate to the specification”.

“Police running scared from drug gangs in one of Mexico’s deadliest cities are using bizarre rituals involving animal sacrifice and spirit tattoos to seek protection from raging violence on the U.S. border” – Source: CBS

As the story continues (and it’s worth reading the whole thing), an increasing litany of pseudoscience emerges as being relied-upon by police involved in one of the most dangerous drug wars on the planet, including:

• Tarot card symbols
• Magical protective tattoos
• Animal sacrifices – chicken
• Haitian Voodoo, Cuban Santeria, Mexican Witchcraft
• Priests
• Patron saints (including Jesus Malverde, patron saint of drug traffickers)
• Statues and skulls
• Ritualistic behaviour
• Spirits
• Full moons

What strikes me most about the story is the extremity of the situation – given the grip drug gangs have on the region, and the inevitable supply of funds this affords criminals in their war with the police, the local authorities are understandably up against the wall. Many are forced (often at gunpoint) to switch sides and work for the gangs. Clearly, the honest police are fighting a losing battle, and one with deadly consequences… and so they turn to whichever belief system might offer them a chink of hope.

Psychologists often talk about the habit of the human mind to delve into unscientific, ritualistic behaviour at times of great stress or anxiety. Rarely have I ever seen a case so illustrative of that simple fact. We truly are just pattern-seeking pigeons, it seems.

Often, the contents of a MBWBS event tend to vary from the silly, to the deceptive, to the outright ridiculous and offensive – that’s relatively standard fare, really. Sometimes, however, an exhibitor is thrown up that’s simply and utterly dangerous – and it was the charming practitioners from Innersound that filled the role at the last festival I visited. (Listeners to our Skeptics With A K podcast will already know all about Innersound and their needle-free ‘Qi’ therapy).

Before you all dash off to Google Innersound and check out their woo-filled website (don’t worry, I’ll be doing that for you in a bit anyway), let me first explain to you how I came across them initially. Wandering around said MBWBS event, checking out the various stalls, I got chatting to an elderly Korean woman with a massage table. She explained to me that, due to fear in the West over the use of needles, she was giving people the chance to try needle-free acupuncture. Or ‘acu’, you might call it. Obviously, I was intrigued, I was mystified, and above all I was skeptical. “How do you do acupuncture without needles?”, I thought.

“How do you do acupuncture without needles?” I asked her.

“Oh, it’s simple – we use sound vibrations applied along acupressure points, which resonate with the frequencies of our own bodies, so that they interact with the healing centre of our inner core and unlock the healing energy within”, she replied (or words to that effect – her knowledge of English was relatively poor. Although, relative to her knowledge of medicine, she was Stephen Fry-fluent).

Following that *slight* hint of bullshit, I inevitably asked her a few questions, the usual go-to skeptical questions when faced with nonsense pseudo-medicine: Can you cure cancer? (Answer: “We can, but we usually don’t, but if you came to us with cancer we would”). What’s your greatest success to date? (Answer: “We’re a charity, and we’ve sent people around Africa to help with HIV AIDS”).

At this point, you might be wondering what Innersound actually is – I know I was. The wishy-washy descriptions of needle-free Qi and sound vibrations sounded… well, far from sound. So I stuck around, visited a few stalls, and waited until the next poor sucker got taken in by her, so I could witness it for myself. It was around 15 minutes later when I heard the practitioner at work…

Pssht. Pssst. Pssssssht.

“Excellent”, I thought, “They’re using some kind of mechanical device to make the noise. Perhaps it’s like a little motor, pressing against the skin, making that noise as it spins.”

Oh no. No, no no. I was wrong.

I walked over to the table, to see the masseuse feeling a woman’s back for acupressure points, before pushing his thumb into the acupressure point hard… and saying ‘Psssht’. With his mouth. And his lips. Psssht.

Now, just to be clear, this isn’t a valid therapy. In case I needed to point it out – it’s bullshit. Where’s the harm? Insomnia. Cancer. AIDS. Pssht! Pssht! Pssht!

Unsurprisingly, the company’s website stays clear backing up the claims made in person to help cure cancer. Instead, we’re offered standard, vague case studies, such as:

My name is Patricia and I am 50 years of age.

I was diagnosed and underwent lumpectomy and axilor limph removal. I had 6 months of chemotherapy treatment.During this period I started to receive Qi Treatments which I found really helpful. I felt more energetic and more at peace. I was really surprised at how easy the rest of chemotherapy went and I did not have any side effects. Even my back pains went away completely.

I am now going through radiotherapy treatments and I am receiving Ki Treatments again once a week. It is helping me a lot. I have no side effects and I am feeling happy and full of energy.

Patricia  50 – London

The best we’re given is the idea that the treatments offer ‘peace’ and ‘energy’ – all very nebulous and unquantifiable. Not so for the HIV claim, where we’re offered quantifiable proof that the Pssshting is beneficial:

Has been HIV+ for 12 years.  Normal CD4 count for the last 12 years has been 320 3 weeks ago after a blood test it was 590.

This result is after 8 Qi Treatments and 7 training classes. It is incredible!

Physically I feel more energised, happier and content with life. I would like to carry on further treatments and training class to improve my health and avoid infections to my body in the future.

- Anonymous

Needle-free acupuncture and magic-breathing increases CD4 levels dramatically, it seems! If only there were something more than a badly-written 3 paragraph testimonial attributed to an anonymous source to back that up, before this ‘charity’ started taking their show on the road. Like, for example, science? Plausibility? Proof?

Looking through the other areas where Innersound can help, we see a rag-tag mix of the nonsensical, dangerous and downright baffling. I can understand how the mind-over-matter elements of a mystical placebo-activator could help with Back Pain, Asthma and Tired(ness), but it’s dangerous to believe this mystical-thinking can help prevent allergic reactions, and it’s shockingly exploitative to promote it for help with Grief (really fucking disturbing stuff), Hepatitis (see first anecdote) and severe Heart Conditions in an 8-month old baby. Digest that – an 8-month old baby with severe heart conditions. Pssht. Sickening.

As for the supporting evidence for preventing Strokes, we’re told:

I visited the Mind Body and Spirit exhibition where I met Innersound.  On that day I knew that I had raised blood pressure because I was feeling very dazed.  I was very sure that I was having a stroke.

Since joining Innersound I have not had a raised blood pressure episode.  I would like to say my job is now more stressful than it ever was, but I am convinced that the reason I have not gone under is because of the treatment, training classes and support I get from the masters at the centre.

So, essentially, her story is: “I thought I was going to have a stroke, and then I didn’t have a stroke, and I put that down to the magic man and his pssshting.”

As for the outright baffling, how do they suggest needle-free acupuncture will help cure Broken Bones, Fractures, Eyesight problems, old age, Outstanding Performance (?!) and Pregnancy. What’s more, I don’t want to know where they press to help deal with Infertility.

What theory is Innersound Qi based on? You’ll not be surprised to hear it’s based on the usual unscientific nonsense. Specifically:

A healthy human body has an abundant and continuous flow of energy which supports all the physical functions. This energy is pumped through a network of energy channels similar to the way that blood is pumped by the heart and flows through the veins. Energy is pumped by the human battery, located just beneath the navel, and flows through energy meridians to all organs and cells.

Suffice to say, nothing has ever suggested there’s a ‘human battery’ located beneath the navel. That’s gibberish of the highest, most unscientific order.

From an eastern point of view, there are only two causes of ill-health – a shortage of energy and energy blockages. When we are short of energy, our body doesn’t have the energy it needs to function effectively bringing fatigue, pain and stress and leading to increasing imbalances and symptoms of ill-health.

Note – neither of the ‘only’ causes of ill-health include disease, germs, bacteria, viruses, genetic defects and predispositions, bad diet, lack of exercise, environmental factors, radiation or the million other ways we know ill-health comes about. This is ancient, disproven, childish gibberish. That they’re exporting to Africa to cure AIDS, and that they’re using here in the UK to offer alternatives to people generally desperate for help.

This might all sound like grumpy, curmudgeonly banging on a drum against something harmless, or silly. Perhaps you’re right. However, I witnessed people being Pssshted, falling for this ludicrous claptrappery, and if even one person with cancer, HIV, hepatitis or something similarly serious is convinced to believe in this Qi, then it’s one person too many.

However, even I was surprised to see the angle taken by the Huff-Po this week, when I spotted Patricia Martin’s column ‘The Politics of Astrology and the Secret Lives of CEOs‘. In an interview with Astrologer Susan Miller, the article explores the ways in which astrology can play a part in politics and business… and, bizarrely, doesn’t come to the conclusion ‘none’. Quoting the article:

Over slabs of glazed salmon at the Drake Hotel dining room, Ms. Miller and I discussed the astrological year ahead for American politics. Cheerful even when delivering hard news, Ms. Miller offered up the following outlook:

So, lets take a look at what the stars predict for the political year ahead in America -

Healthcare reform will pass, but undergo tweaks and revisions for several months to come.

I think that’s fair to call it a hit. I think it’s also fair to say it’s a hit I could have come up with – the political weight behind the healthcare reform definitely had it in the ‘plausible’ pile, and the opposition to it most certainly had it in the ‘undergo tweaks and revisions’ pile. What’s more, what controversial bill doesn’t get tweaked and revised? Poor hit.

President Obama should not stop with health care reform, she twinkled. “He’s going to be very powerful these next few months and he should use it to his advantage”

Excellent, this is interesting – for one, she’s saying the President of the USA will be powerful. Which is obvious. What’s more, she’s not actually making a prediction there at all – his level of power isn’t quantifiable, for one thing, so nobody can dispute it. On top of that, she’s said he should use it to his advantage, not that he will, or can, or anything definite. So if he doesn’t make the most of it, she can claim that she told him he should have! These kind of predictions of potential (rather than actuality) are classic examples of cold reading, and something to look out for – a good psychic (ie someone who’s good at faking magical powers) will never tell you anything for certain, instead they’ll give you statements about your potential, leaving themselves the exit strategy of the ‘untapped potential’. Add to that the fact that Obama’s potential is to use his power to ‘his advantage’ – an entirely vague outcome – and we can see how lame this ‘prediction’ really is.

The sky holds a rare alignment for an eclipse on June 26 that’ll brew up trouble in Washington. For Leos like President Obama, it could mean the departure of a trusted ally or assistant. Is that a potential dateline for Rahm Emmanuel’s return to Illinois? I didn’t ask.

Again, this is a classic example of cold reading – for one thing, she’s appearing to make a prediction with a specific date – June 26th – yet that date is of an eclipse, not of her prediction. We know when the eclipse is coming – there’s a partial lunar eclipse on June 26th, and another on December 21st of this year too. So she anchors her prediction onto a date we can verify, but leaves the prediction itself vague.

Check the wording again – it’ll ‘brew up trouble in Washington’. At best, this could be a specific political event – but events happen all the time in politics. That’s kinda what politics is, what it actually means. It could be regarding a bill, a congressman, a senator, an aide, a leaked document, Obama, his wife, drywall in the White House – anything really. Shoot wide and see what hits. However, like any good psychic would, she also offers a potential specific event to relate to… seemingly. ‘For Leos like President Obama, it could mean the departure of a trusted ally or assistant’. Could. Could mean. So again, nothing certain.

Also, an ally or assistant could be anything from Vice President to his chauffeur (in which case Miller could sell it as ‘well, he was very close to the chauffeur, and think of all the things he must have heard – there’s clear trust there’). If it’s none of those things, and nobody leaves anything on June 26th, Miller has a few days grace either side – if someone announces they’re leaving in the week before, she can say it’s those vibes she’s homing in on (‘right on the specific event, but the date was slightly off, what do you want – miracles?’). If someone leaves in the weeks after, she can say she was picking up on the intention to leave.

What’s more, if nobody leaves at all, she just vanishes that side of the claim – after all, she said it *could* mean the departure. ‘But this isn’t an exact science, and we’re not right all of the time’. If someone joins the staff, then that’s a hit too – ‘I sensed a change in the staff, but misinterpreted it as a departure rather than someone joining‘. Even a holiday would count, at a stretch.

What’s interesting, too, is the way the interviewer speculates as to who the departure might be – this kind of detail-providing is a classic example of the sitter filling in the blanks the cold reader leaves for them. If it does turn out to be Rahm Emanuel leaving (something political spectators could speculate on without astrological help), then the sitter remembers the prediction as containing the specifics they themselves added – ‘She told me Rahm Emmanuel would leave on the 26th‘. So you can see how something simple can be incredibly wide and open to make a hit.

(Miller) gave me the low-down on who’s seeking her advice these days. Interestingly, it’s media moguls and CEOs who make up her A-list. “It’s not politicians or movie stars,” she told me. Rather, it’s the sectors experiencing the most turbulence in uncertain times — media, publishing and finance.

This makes a lot of sense, and it’s something we see often – when times get dicey, people are more likely to turn to woo-peddlers to put their mind at ease. Easy answers, no matter how false, are much more desirable and seductive when things are tough.

Of course, this isn’t the first time astrologers have been connected with American politics – famously Joan Quigley was used by President Reagan and his wife Nancy during their White House days. After the attempt on Reagan’s life on March 30, 1981 Nancy asked Quigley if she could have foreseen, and possibly prevented, the assassination attempt. Quigley – surprisingly enough – said she could have, and if she’d been looking, she would have known.  Quigley used to consult the Reagan’s regularly, including advising them on when would be a good time to fly. Still, these are more enlightened times… except for the Huffington Post, I mean.

As it happens, Susan Miller has some advice on her Astrology Zone website ‘latest news’ section regarding the astrological implications of the discovery of Sedna, a potential planet in our solar system, back in 2004. Which never turned out to be a planet, yet her astrology didn’t manage to detect that it wouldn’t. Yet the Huff Po think she’s a good choice for advice for politicians and business CEOs.

This month Mercury will be retrograde and won’t regulate its orbit until April 30. In the meantime we will all need to have lots of patience while delays and glitches crop up. Be sure to back up your computer and try extra hard to double check facts and figures.

Well, I for one remember all those glitches and data losses in April 2004. The Great Data-Loss of April 2004, they called it. Poets wrote about it, to this day kids still sing songs about it in the playground, and wizened old men in the corners of pubs recoil in recollection of those dark times. Or not. More accurately, nothing happened and thus her prediction, meaningless and insignificant, drifted into the bowels of forgotten history.

The new moon solar eclipse fell in Aries on April 19 and may have stirred up some rather dramatic events in your life.

She does love a good eclipse! If you listen to her, all dramatic events are eclipse-based.

And, to sum up Miller’s level of dedication to fact, I just have to leave you with this awesome testament to her analytical powers, quoted in full for bonkers bonus points:

Astrologers also believe that the name a planet is given by the scientific community may give us clues to the planet’s meaning.

In that regard, let’s digress for a moment. To test out this theory, look closely at the names of people around you and of people you read about in the news. See if you can find a link between the name and the kind of work that person does for a living. Or, find a link between the person’s reputation and their name.

Once you start to pay attention to names, it will be amazing how closely you will find the meanings linked.

I have an example in my own life. As you know my last name is Miller, meaning “one who mills the grain.” When I took Astrology Zone off Disney servers when their Internet site, GO.com closed its doors, Disney could not give me back the HTML code for the site. It needed to be written again, a strenuous, time consuming, and expensive chore. I had not anticipated this obstacle and it through me into a crisis. Back in the summer of 2001 I was looking into an abyss where I realized the sudden end of Astrology Zone could be near.

I spoke to many engineers but I wasn’t finding a workable solution. The site is big-500 screens—and the problems of getting the code written quickly with all the hyperlinks that were imbedded deep within the site, was extensive. I was very depressed. Then, I received a recommendation from top-level executive at Barnes & Noble who suggested I see Tom Warmbrodt of Tom Warmbrodt Consulting in Austin, Texas.

When I met Tom, he told me he could write new code for our 500-screen site within the impossibly tight time deadlines we would have to meet. In so doing, Tom Warmbrodt became Head of IT for Astrology Zone and saved Astrology Zone in 2001.

“Warmbrodt” literally means warm bread. I have always felt that Tom was able to take Miller’s grain (my written words) and baked those words into bread, serving it up piping hot to you, dear reader.

Warm bread also suggests a substance that has a very short shelf life, which would accurately describe the topical material I write on Astrology Zone. Readers would never be able to see (“digest”) my words without Tom Warmbrodt’s expertise.

I feel this is a perfect example of how names can give you clues to what is underlying truths.

Astounding. Obama should call her right now. So long as the name ‘Obama‘ means ‘One who listens to any old bullshit put across in a mystical enough way‘.

The youth of Japan are apparently currently obsessed with a new selection of ringtones created by a company called the Japan Ringing Tone Laboratory. This isn’t another ‘Crazy Frog’ though.  If it was, I would have shot myself rather than write this post. No, it’s something altogether more interesting, although just as moronic. These ringtones are “therapeutic ringtones”. Yes, forget acupuncture, hypnotherapy or the pleasures of a good sit down: simply play the ringtone on your phone and all your cares and health troubles will float away down the winding river of easy cures, along with your wallet and your self respect. Only in Japan. Well, for now.

The Japan Ringing Tone Laboratory has good credentials. Its head, Matsumi Suzuki, used to work for the National Research Institute of Police Science, where he made award-winning advances in the field of voiceprints. He also developed the now well-known synthetic mosquito noise that is inaudible to the over-60s but apparently annoys the hell out of local good-for-nothing kids who like to hang around outside off-licenses. Incidentally, this can also be found on mobile phones around the world, usually played by good-for-nothing kids who like to hang around outside off-licenses, and playing with their mobile phones.

Suzuki followed up this sterling work by becoming head of the aformentioned Japan Ringing Tone Laboratory, and producing stupid novelty ringtones. Perfectly logical career step, I think you’ll agree.

So what are these “therapeutic ringtones”? Put simply, they’re just ringtones, but with an added (and made-up) therapeutic twist. We’re going way beyond soothing pan-pipes and whale-song here, though. There’s no shortage of conditions and problems they can’t combat. Here’s a brief selection of what they can do:

- Cure a hangover.

- Induce sleep.

- Prevent sleep.

- Scare away crows (apparently Tokyo has a big problem with crows attacking bin bags in the early hours).

- Inspire sluggardly housewives into doing housework (sexism not mine!).

- Improve your skin tone using alpha waves (maybe it’s just the glow from the screen?).

- Alleviate hayfever.

The ringtone for alleviating hayfever is my favourite. It is called the Ohana Sukkuri melody, and it is basically a series of sounds emitted at different frequencies so that, in the company’s words: “people can choose the sound that resonates most to their sinus and causes pollen lodged there to fall from the nasal cavity”.

I love the image of Japanese teenagers holding their chirping mobile phones against their noses in the middle of summer in the hope that pollen will somehow vibrate out of their nasal cavity. Couldn’t they just blow their nose? Jeez, next we’ll be brushing our tongues with our toothbrushes! Ah, no wait..

The ringtone for improving skin tone is apparently a bit of electro-Schubert mixed with woodland noises, while the one intended to rouse bored housewives is a high-energy rhythm. The ringtone intended to induce sleep is basically a lullaby, while its opposite is a dance track. A lot of thought has gone into this, I’m sure. Maybe there’s one which plays Coldplay-style dirges to calm down people who suffer from mania? Or you could have the sound of the Pope’s head being cut off with a rough plank to wake up fainting victims. The variations are endless!

As I’m sure you all guessed long ago, these ringtones are complete tat, and quite frankly I think even the kids buying them know this. It’s just a bit of fun, and harmless I suppose, but I’m feeling in an evil Skeptic mood today, so have no problem deriding this nonsense loudly in an aggressive manner in order to get cheap laughs. Both the Japan Ringing Tone Laboratory and Index, the content provider which sells the tones, fully admit there is no scientific evidence for any of them, yet still throw out euphemistic lines to reel people in: for example, while there is no evidence of the hayfever ringtone’s pollen-shaking power, it is apparently “generally understood” that it will work. That’s ok, then. Yes, let’s bite the bit of made-up anecdotal evidence and run, run like the wind! Therapeutic ringtones worked for me!

We also have Index’s comment that “the number of downloads suggests the ringtones must be working to a certain extent”, as well as authoritative scientific statements such as the one about how the hangover-cure “pulse melodies” are attuned to our bodies’ “medical rhythms”.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Made-up science follows the same patterns the world over, kind of like the way bullshit smells the same no matter what country you live in.

Of course, as I said before, it’s just a fad. Come next year the youth of Japan will have a new distraction, and no-one will have been hurt or damaged by the flash-flood of woo they’ve just experienced, but that doesn’t stop it being as annoying as a fat, naked frog riding a motorbike and making stupid noises. Plus, there’s one important thing you’ve got to remember: it might only be Japan now, but it’s only a matter of time before it makes its way to these shores.

Don’t worry, you could just relax with your new ringtone.