Still, for a change, I’m going to write about an abject psychic failure that doesn’t involve Joe ‘the Power’ Power. You see, sometimes, in order to give the impression that they’re able to see the future, psychics will make predictions about things. And sometimes, they’ll make those predictions somewhere that ends up in the news cycle, and documented on the internet. And sometimes, just sometimes, they utterly fail to realise how much scope this gives for their duff predictions to come back and bite them on the behind. Case in point:

U.K Psychic: Ghana Will Win The World Cup

It’s not the prediction England fans in the county wanted – but Fabio Capello’s men will not be bringing home the World Cup this summer.

In fact – if Ipswich medium Sue Knock’s information from the psychic world proves true – an African side will lift the trophy for the first time.

She is predicting Ghana – the team of Essien, Muntari and Appiah – could take home the coveted cup.

For any non-football fans out there, Ghana will not be winning the World Cup, at least not in 2010, having lost to Uruguay in the Quarter Finals.

Now, any psychic with half a brain would stop there. You’ve made your prediction, now seal it up and hope it comes true. But not so our Sue Knock, who follows the wild prediction up with a few safe bets:

“England and Germany will both make very good starts but then fade, while Italy and France will do well. Ghana – the name which comes to me most strongly – will win it,”

Ordinarily, these would be great bankers. Bear in mind, Italy and France were the finalists at the last World Cup, and England tend to do alright before the Quarter Finals. How was Sue to know that neither France nor Italy would progress from their (relatively easy) groups, the latter of the two coming bottom in a group that included footballing superpower New Zealand? And how was she to know that England would start the group stages with two shocking, tedious draws, before limping past Slovenia to be culled by the rampant Germans?

Well, she’s meant to be psychic, THAT’s how she could know.

Not to dwell on the misfortune of others (after all, doing so would be to muscle in on Psychic Sue’s patch), but here are a few of Sue’s other winning predictions:

• A Royal birth – a canny guess – William’s past his mid 20s, Harry’s settling down – this has the potential to come true… and of course if it’s not one of the princes, then Sue could claim it was a lesser Royal. However, as far as I can see, 7 months into the year, there are no pregnant Royals. (Update: I think we’ve found the lesser Royal Sue can claim she was predicting! To illustrate how good a chance guess this was, bear in mind a quick Google search reveals that between 1993 and 2007, Royal babies arrived in 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1999,  2002, 2003, 2004 and 2007 – so it’s hardly so rare an occurrence).
• A major volcano eruption – this one seems to be the stand out prediction – with the unpronounceable Icelandic volcano doing its thing earlier in the year, this has to be proof of Sue’s psychic skill. However, as Wikipedia notes: “Seismic activity started at the end of 2009 and gradually increased in intensity until on 20 March 2010″. Hardly a stretch, then, to foresee a volcano erupting once it had already been observed to be increasing in activity.
• Earthquakes in northern England which will be felt in Suffolk – little to be said here, really. Suffice to say, we’ve not been hit, and I presume Suffolk remain untroubled by the shockwaves.
• A terrorist alert at the Port of Felixstowe connected with a chemical – again nothing so far, but who knows – maybe Al Qaeda’s next target is indeed the Suffolk port. We’ll see.
• A huge row over the axing of a popular TV star over their age – this still has the potential to be true, but is hardly a revelation – in fact on Righteous Indignation, during our predictions game, we made exactly the same prediction.
• Conservatives will win the General Election – I’m sure this looked like a safe bet too, with the horror show predicted for Labour in the polls… except with the popularity of the Lib Dems, and Labour’s unexpected late rally, the hung parliament meant the Tories didn’t win the election. Did her psychic skills not foresee the possibility of a hung parliament? Or do the dead not play by the rules of First Past The Post?
• A nice hot summer – if all else fails, at least you can rely on the weather

In short, I don’t think Sue’s psychic, and I’m sure she’s regretting not putting her psychic dime on Spain like everyone else has.

Well, The Sun says it’s official, anyway:

Official: England Is Footie Mad

ENGLAND is the most football-mad country in the world, a study has found.

Research revealed English blokes spend more time watching, playing, reading and talking about the beautiful game than anywhere else on the planet. – Source: The Sun

Yep, they’ve got research to back that up. Probably research done by boffins. Probably zany boffins, who have formulas for the perfect cup of tea, or the perfect shave, or the perfect cliché involving zany boffins.

The study found a typical soccer fan watches football — including highlights — for two hours and 22 minutes every week.

They also spend 28 minutes each day chin-wagging about the latest results, tackles, goals or transfer gossip.

In second place was Thailand, where men spend three hours talking about the sport, followed by three-time World Cup winners Brazil in third. - Source: The Sun

Now, I know you lot. You’re a skeptical lot. And this is BadPR, so I know what you’re thinking – who benefits from this? Well, damn you and your cynicism, I’ve no idea what you could possibly mean. The Sun continues:

The research was carried out by lager brewer Heineken. - Source: The Sun

Oh, right, yeah, sorry – this is just a shit survey from lager lot Heineken. Obviously. As Heineken’s PR department continue:

Spokesman Rick Lawrence said: “It might not be the news women want to hear but it seems men really do only think about one thing — and that’s football.

“This is a huge weekend for football and gives men an excuse, if they need one, to talk about their favourite subject even more.” - Source: Heineken’s Fucking PR Department

Sure, why not throw a bit of laddish gender stereotyping in there (actually, as it happens, my girlfriend can’t wait for the World Cup to start, and has been planning EVERYTHING we’re going to be doing in the next month around the ability to watch a couple of games a day. Take that, stereotyping). Still, there’s a few things that are glaringly amiss here, other than the whole bullshit part:

• Heineken isn’t a sponsor of the World Cup, Budweiser pipped them to it, see?
• The article hit The Sun on the 28th – that wasn’t a big weekend for football. In fact, there was no football of note taking place on that weekend (unless you count Milwall vs Southend in the League One Play-offs).

Clearly, something is amiss here, so let’s take a look at the official source of the report – which, as ever, is stupidly easy to find. While OnePoll are taking credit for the success of the survey, the official press release can be found on the Heineken website, minus the nationalistic overtones inevitable added in by The Sun, naturally.

Football Crazy – Men From Around The World Put Football Ahead of Women!  - Source: Heineken’s Actual Fucking PR Department

Oh, yeah, sorry, they spun it with a dodgily sexist headline instead. Should have warned you about that. Still, football ahead of women? They must have something pretty concrete to back that claim up, right?

An international survey, carried out by UEFA Champions League sponsor Heineken, has shown wives and girlfriends are second when it comes to the topics most discussed by men when they get together with their mates.

The study found that overall a staggering 88% of those asked said that football was top of the league for the subjects they talk about over a beer with their friends, with wives and girlfriends coming in the runners-up spot with 45% – work came in third with 34%. Men from Germany and France placed work in second and with their wives and girlfriends coming in third. - Source: Heineken’s Actual Fucking PR Department

Surprisingly, no, they don’t have anything concrete at all. What they have is a load of men saying they talk about football to other men more often than they talk about their girlfriends. Which is entirely different, of course – top of the head reasons:

• I will talk football to a stranger, I won’t talk about my relationships with a total stranger (and they wouldn’t want to hear if I did)
• Experimenter bias in the survey – bias the question towards the desired answer and see how many men fall into line. ‘Hello Heineken drinker, we’re sponsoring the Champions League – would you talk about football to other men more often than you’d talk about your girlfriend, do you think? Here, have a beer, courtesy of UEFA’
• Selection bias – who you elect to take the survey, and how you find them, can be key. ‘Hi there, sorry to bother you as you’re just walking out of Anfield post-match, but would you mind taking a quick survey about football?’
• Etc

So, where does the ‘big weekend’ error come into it?

Tim Ellerton, Sponsorship Manager Heineken International, said: “It might not be the news women wanted to hear but it appears men really do only think about one thing when they get together with their mates – and that’s football. With the UEFA Champions League Final taking place this Saturday it is a huge weekend for football and gives men an excuse, if they ever needed one, to talk about their favourite subject.” - Source: Heineken’s Actual Fucking PR Department

Of course – for those who don’t follow football, the Champions League final took place the weekend BEFORE The Sun ran this advert/story/article. The wise and smart ‘STAFF REPORTER’ thought it prudent to omit the reference to a final which had already passed; unfortunately Mr/Ms REPORTER wasn’t smart enough or professional enough to skim read the story afterwards, and do even the basic amount of fact checking required to find out the season had fucking finished by the time their reports of an upcoming ‘huge weekend’ were printed. Ah, churnalism, how I do love thee.

Still, journalism and PR this piss-poor doesn’t go unnoticed, and even The Sun’s comments section threw in a few lolz to cheer us all up:

Any man who does not like football is usually a bit….funny! – 2lulaura

Casual and unconnected homophobia – lovin’ your work, Sun reader.

Another study reveals that a lot of post grad students are unable to take up valuable scientific research bcoz of lack of funding. - lukep12345

He shoots, he scores.

I’m going to talk about football.

I know, I know, IknowIknowIknow. You guys, our lovely readers, are scientists, science fans, and generally science types. As am I. But when I’m not talking Cold Reading with psychics, organising mass non-suicide or generally being a good-for-nothing skeptic, there are few things I love more than settling down to a good match. The poetry of movement, the grit of teamwork, the drama, the excitement, the cliches.

Oh, and the batshit lunacy.

I’ve spoken elsewhere about the superstition rife in football (it was my handy hook to hang the story of Arsenal striker Robin Van Persie’s horse placenta treatment on, you may recall. If you can’t recall, please head over and have a read. Horse placentas. Lol. Etc.), but this time I’m bringing things back home. We are, after all, the Merseyside Skeptics Society, and no amount of International campaign-running (yes, I’m going to milk 10:23 for all of the kudos I can get, what of it?) will change that. Which is why when I was sent this article by a listener to our podcast, I just had to take a look at it.

A struggling football club has resorted to asking a priest to bless its pitch in a bid to stop a run of bad luck

Yep, this is 2010 and we’re still asking the clergy to bless this mess and give us good luck. So, what kind of demonic bad luck have the Marine boys been having? Did centre forward Liam Rushton get tripped over by a ghost when clean through on goal, without so much as an indirect free-kick? Did ‘keeper Tim Dittmer get distracted by a succubus during a crucial counter-attack? Did centre back Michael Jackson (no, not THAT Michael Jackson) turn green, rotate his head 306 degrees and do unspeakable things with a crucifix? Well, as the BBC puts it, not quite:

So far this season three Marine FC players have hobbled off the pitch with broken bones.

And during a game which Marine were winning 2-1 at their stadium in Crosby, Merseyside, the floodlights died – cancelling the match.

Ah, so it was pretty standard footballing fare, then. Still, having a priest come over and do his whole il nomine thingummy bit could only improve matters…

Father John Ealey, of St Aloysius in Roby, said a prayer and poured holy water on the turf on Tuesday… Chairman Paul Leary said if it took banishing demons to improve their season, he was willing to give it a go.

Personally, I’m a big fan of the Football Manager series, which strives at every turn to replicate every subtle nuance of the Beautiful Game (TM). I therefore can’t wait for the option in FM 2011 to invite a local priest over for a spot of chanting and splashing.

Manager Kevin Lynch spoke to the club’s website about the helping hand of God:

Our form has not been great at home and we have had an horrendous injury list – I just feel that there are a couple of demons out there we need to get rid of.

I have known Father Ealey a long time, and for me personally, I will feel better that the pitch has had the blessing of God. It makes me feel a lot better in terms of my own faith.

Since the blessing, Marine FC have suffered defeats at the hands of Retford United and Bradford Park Avenue. I guess God really is a Red around these parts.